You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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