Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm just crazy horny about you
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
