u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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