Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Is Oprah even human
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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