her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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