My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
