hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
