When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
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she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
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I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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