If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
