hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
