i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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