U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
