If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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