this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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