capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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