It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
