I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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