There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
