guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
