I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
