so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
