Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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