Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
