I got chris browned last night
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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