I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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