Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
