it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
