First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
