two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
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Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.