Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
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i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
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I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book