Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more