yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
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He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
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I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job