A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.