i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude