Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
