Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
