just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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