he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
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I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
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He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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