well you can't waste a boner
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
