I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
