after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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