every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I could fuck to npr.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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