hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
