no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize