I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
