At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
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I think I sprained my soul last night
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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