The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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