We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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