Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
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I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
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On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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