Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My pussy is not your playground.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
