New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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