He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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