Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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