Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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