I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
