def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
