Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
