there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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