There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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