sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
