Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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