yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
