Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
