it hurts more in the daytime
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
