i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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