So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
