I want to make a zoo with you.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
