the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
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