take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
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