I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
