We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
