i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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