Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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